A Note to Bridesmaids

This morning, doing my daily glance at the MSN highlights, I found an article about Bridesmaids Gone Wild , or some such thing. The title should be bridesmaids that need a spanking or a time out, or maybe bridesmaids that should be punished. The bridesmaids featured, without names or with pseudonyms were awful and definitely not the type of person I would want in my wedding.

With that in mind, Brides, you can let us be the “bad guy” and law down the bridesmaid law. Here are some common sense tips for bridesmaid etiquette during the planning process and the wedding and reception.

  1. This is not your wedding, and nothing is really about you.
  2. You are there to help and support the bride as she plans her wedding. While the bride may ask for your honest opinion, and we do expect you to give it, drop any disagreements once the bride has made a final decision.
  3. Be polite to salespeople, vendors, and any people who work either for a vendor or venue. Your behavior will reflect on the bride and groom and may affect the level of service they receive.
  4. While you may or may not be friends with your fellow bridesmaids, it is your job, for the sake of the bride, to get along and do your best to plan out all events together such as bridal shower and/or bachelorette parties. Having a fit or crying to get your way may work, but it may not give the bride the best possible experience. In this case the maid of honor is in charge since she was chosen for this position and the bride trusts her to plan properly, unless otherwise changed by the bride.
  5. Yes, a wedding is a celebration, but also a solemn occasion. In most cultures drinking is involved, but please keep yours to a nice moderate amount. Being drunk as a bridesmaid is not good for several reasons.
    1. Alcohol expands your blood vessels and will make your face redder than normal. This looks terrible in pictures.
    2. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions and allows us to do things we normally would not, and weddings/receptions are often recorded. Do not let there be a permanent record of you being a fool out there. Blackmail is not cheap,.
    3. Once you are seen as raving lunatic because you are yelling and screaming at others, that impression is hard to live down. If you want to be considered to be a bridesmaid in the future, do not do this.
  6. This is not your wedding, and nothing is really about you.
  7. If you are given a task by the bride or you agree to help out a fellow bridesmaid in some way, be responsible and do what you say you will. The only people who will suffer here are the bride, groom, and you, and the bride and groom will remember this for a lifetime.
  8. If in doubt about how proper it is to do something, it probably is not acceptable, so do not do it. If you have no idea what the proper etiquette for a certain event is, Google exists for a reason and free advice is always available.
  9. Even if you hate the dress you are wearing, your feet are killing you, and your head is aching to your pulse, smile. You are there to support the bride and groom, and they want to know that you are having a good time and one such indicator is a smile. After the ceremony and pictures, you can kick off your shoes and ask someone for some aspirin.
  10. If the thought starts creeping in that you are important today or that anything about the day is about you, please see rules #1 and #6.

Hopefully this helps keep articles like the one I saw this morning off the internet. While the happenings were funny and outrageous, a wedding is not the place for such behavior. A wedding is a formal social event and proper etiquette and decorum should be observed by all the members of the wedding party and guests.


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